Tuesday, November 20, 2007

Thundering Upsets

Have you ever asked yourself why me? And it doesn’t have to be bad; you could be excited from something wonderful. Most often then not I ask myself this after something I am looking forward to goes awry. Even at times when something goes wrong I lay up at night and my thoughts wonder to what previously occurred. I am sure everyone does it at times, wishing for another try or chance, possibly for her to say yes or thought you should have studied harder, and maybe even think you could have handled things better. Storms come and rain on your parade and there is nothing you can do about it. You would just as soon control the rain or turn the tide before you gain all the wisdom of the world to handle such situations. I have been hitting some dead end roads lately if you haven’t noticed. I do not wish to share at this time the particulars just know the results. Frustration does not even begin to describe the feelings that I sometimes lose control of. When your hopes and feelings get caught up in an idea of something beautiful your heart races, palms sweat, and you really can’t sit still or keep from shaking your hands. Then when the opposite, your stomach feels like it just fell from your body, the heart still races but from anguish and everyone around you knows by the grave look that sweeps across your face without control. I can’t explain why things seem to have not gone my way, but I know that no other choice remains but to carry on. Put on this happy visage like nothing keeps me down and be that colorful character everyone loves to share laughter with. When I begin to sink into a sulky outlook on my somewhat pathetic circumstance, with out reason or incentive, I remember the words of the wise tropical fish Dori from Finding Nemo; “just keep swimming.” No other option appears viable or plausible. The only way to track through what seems like mud is to keep working towards what I know is good and that is God. That may seem cheesy or cliché to you yet I know trust is faith and faith births perseverance, perseverance arrives at hope and the only thing left is Love. So now, even though my spirit is low I look towards grey skies and not only uncertainty but anticipation wondering what rainstorm may come my way, and I quote one of my favorite movies; “God is in the rain.” The only thing I can pray for is that one of these storms will grow roots for something long lasting and not another disappointing mud bath. I don’t know if this has made any since to you, I’m not sure if it does to me but walk away with this, even though things don’t always go the way you plan if you get caught up in the immediate depression you may miss the chance to strengthen in character and wisdom. Thunder when you’re a child frightens you but when maturity sets in you find it soothing when resting after a long day of work.