Sunday, January 20, 2008

Love?!... (part 1)

I know what I say, I say out of turn. My words speak of matters my life has barely yet experienced but the anticipation drives me to expression. What should I reveal about my heart? How much needs unveiled for understanding? I do not know, but my words find their way to the page.

I have experienced love between friends, with my parents as their son, with the Willmores and Empsons as part of a family, with God as one of his people, and at one time with a special person, but no longer. Now something seems to escape me. I have thought about what my life lacks, what can brighten or change the mundane days that pile on top of another to form the silhouette that reflects my life? Surely not only I feel this void, others share my loneliness. What I really want, what I desire, I have little control over. It now seems long since past when I enjoyed a partnership of Love. The scriptures say, “It is not good for man to be alone.” I believe it. I do have friends and I look to them for happiness but the level of companionship between friends seems shallow between two crossed in Love. Those friends I have, many already have their life partners; joining in marriage and investing in each other, which ought to be. Often I see their happiness, and their joy brings me joy, but I want to share in that spirit, taste the luxuries they seem to of acquired. At the same time I want to express to you, I do not feel desperate. I will not just take any girl that looks my way; perhaps my problems link directly to my standards. Do I aim to high?

I bet I know the line of thought you travel. “He is only in love with love, he proves purely pathetic.” You may speak some truth, occasionally the heart miss-interprets the mind and when I act on the heart I feel blind in reason. I think Love grows deeper then Reason or Philosophy, beyond that of wit and thought. I long to Love and be Loved, yes; do I understand what Love is, maybe not. The void in my life I think embodies one aspect of a complex notion.

One evening four men sat around a table at their local sonic enjoying a late night meal to satisfy their craving bellies. All four prove their worth in wisdom for their age. Not one yet reached five and twenty years; the age that insurance corporations say becomes responsible enough to drive reasonably. The eldest leaned a crossed the table and asked a question that spawned a discussion which lasted for over an hour. “What is love?” First, silence griped the atmosphere; no one expected something so vast.

After a while several ideas surfaced. “Love is a choice.” This first came to light. A degree of truth resides in this idea however I fear to many only hold to this, and look no further. Is it Love if the choice you have made to love does not return the favor, at what point would it no longer be Love and just another infatuation? Well, many believe God loves all even those who do not acknowledge him; do the same rules apply between two human specimens. Can I love a woman with a true love, same way God loves us, even though she wishes to take her affection elsewhere, would it then become infatuation or lust? What about Love amongst friends? Obviously a different love connects friends then a married couple. God’s love for us must be different then friendship because of his constant admiration for us; we pass friend to friend when life separates us either by growing apart, argument, or betrayal. Very quickly a problem of diction arose to complicate such discussion. Several types of Love exist even the Greeks knew this. English has a weakness in philosophy.

The discussion carried into debate, a tussling of ideas and a challenge of pride. The discussion ended with this. “Love is indescribable.” That statement, when thought about, is a paradox. The word indescribable is an attempt to explain a matter when words and language fail, how can one express an idea with a word that explains it can’t be done using words. Now with that being said; I have already gone longer then I desired so I must stop now and continue later. In the next few posts, I shall consider aspects of Love my mind can attempt to fathom.