This is my first blog ever... I don't know why I am writing one but I have had an interest lately to write one. I know that no one may ever see it or read it but that doesn't bother me.
People are afraid of a lot of things. Some fear snakes and others fear spiders. People can fear heights or freeze like a dear caught in headlights when in front of a crowd. Death can terrorize the thoughts of those who linger near it. I pride myself in saying that I am not afraid of any of those things. That’s right I am your next Indiana Jones waiting for the next impossible adventure, yet I’m not afraid of snakes.
After celebrating Easter with my mom’s side of the family we visited my Grandmother Willmore. She became a widow four years ago. This week she will pack up all of her belongings and move to a retirement home. I couldn’t believe it when I herd it. Her home now is a site to see, the largest on Chestnut Street. How could she trade in a lifetime of happiness for a four-room apartment the size of her master suite now? Yet ever since the loss of my Grandfather she has come to face the greatest fear of all. These past four years she has spent all her time cooped up in a big house with nothing but her belongings. Sure, our family has spent as much time with her that we could, but those hours are short compared to the long morning, afternoon and early evening. She has had enough, and this week she will be moving to a place where many of her friends already call home. At first I couldn’t understand why she would wish to make such a move but as I talked it over with my parents I came to realize she has embraced a fear that I am experiencing daily.
You may think I am a nerd or dork but since I reached high school I have prayed for the good Lord to send me a special some one. Corny, yes I know, however I pray for it still. God finally did answer my prayers the summer before my senior year. She was enchanting. This answer was wonderful, she kept me laughing and on my toes. She gave me something to look forward too in the morning when I went to school. We spent hours upon hours together. We were each other’s first real kiss, a moment I will never forget. After a little longer then a year, I moved to college and the relationship began to die. A little each day we grew further apart, it was just as much my fault as hers and In January of 06’ we went our separate ways and my prayer began again. I don’t have any regrets about dating her I just hate how it had to end.
Now after a year since the breakup I am still waiting on an unanswered prayer. The feeling my Grandmother is feeling, the one that caused her to move on to the next chapter of her life, and what she has feared since the death of my grandfather; I am also experiencing. I doubt it is as great as hers, but the same nonetheless. Each day I look around and see my friends experiencing wonderful partnerships and I am left alone. I hate this feeling but like my grandmother, forced to embrace it. I know that some day that person God has planned for me from the beginning will march into my life but until that day I wait. I guess the only thing I am afraid of is that that day will never come. I don’t fear snakes, heights, spiders, or public speaking but what I fear the most is the lack of companionship. I fear loneliness.
